The Girl with Specs

May 1, 2009

So I drive along the pitakotte junction minding my own business and there’s this huge traffic jam. We’re all perfectly still; me the other cars, and the big private bus which has blocked the road.

The universe has its own way of amusement, and so a young woman brimming with youth and overflowing with sexual confidence walks across the suspended street. She’s wearing a simple white top, a blue denim, and one of those neardy glasses so characteristic with the naughtyamerica videos that feature my-first-sex-teacher, that I feel the tension in several parts of my body.

Her poise is backed with a rhythm that gets stronger with every pair of eyes that gets lost in those tightly held breasts. She smiles at me and holds a gaze which is a rare sight with Sri Lankan women.

She was aware of the three wide-eyed schoolboys on the footboard of the bus that were unable to stop staring at her. She looks at them and smiles. The boys obviously surprised and taken aback by the boldness of the woman, try to look away.

She looks at me, nods and dissapears in to the traffic.

It’s true that the male libido has fallen inside marriage. One of my female friends conclude this to a consequence of declined masculinity in modern men because women are now the predominant breadwinners of the family.

I have another theory.One of course which is more sympathetic towards men.

The cost of having sex inside a marriage for a man has risen compared to having sex outside marriage. Therefore a man no longer marries to have sex. He marries to have children and build a family. This was not so in the past. Even though a man could have only one woman, the guarantee of intercourse would be an incentive for a man to get married. So men in the past married for sex, while men in the modern age marry for other reasons than sex – hence the loss of male libido within the marriage.

On the other hand female libido has increased. Thanks to the contraceptive pill, the biological, social and economic costs for having sex for a female has come down.

This has had two effects.

1.) More women are having sex outside marriage, and hence the cost of having sex for men has decreased. Which (as explained above) leads to loss of male libido within marriage.
2.) Married women expect more sex than before, which leads to further disappointment, and not getting what is expected.

Dating for Dummies

February 15, 2009

dating

One of my cousins’ got married last week and apparently they first hooked up over an Internet chatroom. She’s residing in UK but bieng the optimist and scolding older sister that she is, she forced me to look at the “prospects” available on the Internet.

I’m a primitive guy who loves old fashion bird watching. I think it satisfies my inner hunter instincts to watch the prey in their natural habitat. The Internet however to my great dismay, defies the concept of watching.

To this she says that I should market myself via facebook, youtube and twitter and make friends who also have facebook, youtube and twitter. There were some other crude websites and chat sites that she mentioned, but most of them seem to be infested with “boys looking for mature older women to fuck”.

I finally resorted to google and I found this book called “Dating for Dummies”. I loved the dummy series, the Differential Equations for Dummies and Statistics for Dummies really helped me get through uni, and I was quite sure that this book would also do some good.

I was dreadfully wrong. It has 392 pages of useful advice, for dating in a western country. Things like who should pay the bill, and who should make the first move are pretty much constants in this part of the world. The book also talks about the dilemma bout kissing on the first date. Do we Sri Lankans ever kiss? I mean we might have sex on the first date which will include kissing, touching and the whole package, but do we ever kiss and part our ways? We don’t have first bases and second bases – we only do home runs. At least according to my limited experience.

I say we should rewrite this book in the name of science, knowledge-sharing and preserving Sri Lankan culture. There are some good writers on the blogsphere. Anyone care to take up the challenge?

Ajith has a post here, which has a screenshot of a local newspaper saying that 72% of teens are sexually active and 18% are addicted to drugs – in the same sentence. Anyone can smell the religious fundamentalist mentality in this sentence from miles away.

I’ve experimented with both sex and drugs when I was schooling. And let me tell you with empirical evidence, they are not the same thing -especially for a teen. Sex, at the right moment with the right person, can uplift your health and bring balance to a overly-pedantic and monotonous life. The experience stays with you for the rest of your life, even if the you and your partner choose to go separate ways.

Drugs on the other hand, makes people weak. The craving for a little more will eat the person from inside until she’s lost all grip of reality. The experience is definitely something you try to forget for the rest of your life.

But wut to do? The government [media] not only magically pulls out stats of someone’s arse, but also presents them in a twisted way so that religous fundamentalists can sleep well at night thinking that their lives actually do have some grand purpose.

Courtship Advice for Women

January 21, 2009

1.) Make yourself accessible.

2.) Don’t hit the sack on the first day.

3.) When you do finally hit the sack, do it with passion.

There’s a pretty self-explanatory chart that explains the first point. Usually in Colombo the expressing of interest is more or less executed by the male.  So the brunt of loosing points is weighed upon the male and the male alone. If you’re into risk-takers then of course you can play hard-to-get all you want. Infact, they might even enjoy the chase. But if you’re looking for a stable non-bikerboy type of guy, then you might want to consider loosing that ego a lil bit.

Remember, a night-out is a night-out. Having dinner at a fancy restaurant or gracing the Lionel Wendt doesn’t make you a couple; It just makes you two people with similar tastes. Him buying you dinner is nothing to be guilty conscious of. It’s just how the game works. Albeit a little unjust in this day and age, feel free to indulge in the extravagant amounts of money he will spend on you. If you’re feeling a little feminist, then go ahead and share the bill, but keep in mind to show some appreciation for him trying to get the bill for you. Because little did you know, that we know that only wealthy men have an increased chance of bringing a woman to orgasm.  So help us, help you.

Making yourself accessible and jumping the sack are two very different things. And so we come to our second point. In this study done by UCL, they say that “the male’s willingness to court for a long time is a signal that he is likely to be a good male”. So while putting yourself out there, remember to stay in control of the situation. You obviously have a grasp of the biological repurcussions, so this will automatically come to you.

But finally after you do realize that this is a guy that you want to be intimate with, please loose yourself in the moment. Sex can’t be planned and executed like a morning jog on Mt. Lavinia beach. It has to happen spontaneosly. Especially if you’re trying to do it without the influence of alchol and if you want the man to last for more than 2 minutes then it’s advisable that you really get into it. Contrary to popular belief, even though men think about sex all the time, they are easily put off by small things when they come across the real thing.

P.S. I’m trying to make love, not war in the paradise isle. So work with me ladies.

Has anyone else noticed the increasing number of beautiful women in the suburbs of Colombo? It’s like raining women out there!

But according to a study conducted at the Hebrew University, the quantity of women doesn’t play a significant role in the love lives of intelligent men. It’s the Quality that matters. Intelligence. Skill. Acumen. The ability to empathize with our inner desires and dreams.

I’ve blogged about my salaciousness towards intelligent women, and I’m sure most of the blogsphere share the same sentiments, perhaps in a less lascivious way. Provided of course that they’re into women and are intelligent.

The research goes a little further by explaining how monogamy became economical in the modern world. If you’re the romantically inclined and believe in Santa Claus better continue reading Helen Fisher. But if you’re willing to ponder into the depths of human psychology, history and sexuality with an open mind and without regrets, this is the place to start.

Rendition

October 18, 2008

Anachronistic. Caustic. And Appropriate.The film I mean.

Hitler did it for his god. We do it for National Security.

(Until recently I thought my friend (D) was a liberal. His homophobia only came into view when our discussion shifted from the Dark Knight to Heath Ledger. This is an excerpt of what followed after.)

Me: Man, I never realized that you hate gays/lesbians?

D: I don’t really hate them. Well, gays do put me off. But I love watching lesbians. Doesn’t everybody? (Laughs)

Me: So why don’t you like Heath?

D: Brokeback Mountain was a shame to humanity no. Homosexuality shouldn’t be given “approval” from society. Heath Ledger was one of the stupid actors who couldn’t see this, and his film gave society the wrong message. His acting is pretty good, I know. But his decision as a human being to promote homosexuality is idiotic.

Me: So you don’t want homosexuals to live openly?

D: Yeah. It’s unnatural behavior. And for the sake of our children it must be stopped. At least in public spaces. The behavior should be frowned upon and be considered as a sin. That’s what religion is for and every religion in this world says that homosexuality is bad.

Me: Buddhism doesn’t say it’s bad.

D: It’s violating the third shiksha padaya. And also the Buddha told us not to engage in lust. Homosexuality is a direct violation of that.

Me: But then heterosexuals like you and me, also give into lust no? Aren’t we doing the same thing?

D: Yes if you’re a sex addict then you’re just as bad. Sex is only okay when you want to have children. Even in Christianity they say go forth and multiply, not go forth and have sex.

Me: Don’t you have sex with your girl friend?

D: No. I can’t believe you even ask that question. We will do that in due time, when we get married.

Me: Ok. Hypothetically, let’s say you’re right. But homosexuality isn’t just about lust no?

D: It is. All they do is have sex. They’re complete sex maniacs. You don’t know the story putha. If you look closely at leading girls schools in Colombo, there are lesbians outside waiting to grab young school girls and force them to become lesbians.

Me: So you’re saying that one can turn into a lesbian?

D:Yes, of course. Are you even listening to what I’m saying? It’s worse in the gay community. Most of the sex tourists that come to Sri Lanka prey on little boys. Why? Because they can easily be turned into gays. If we legalize homosexuality, then this won’t stop. A lot of children will fall victim.

Me: Imagine if you’re a gay person. It would suck if the world doesn’t understand what you feel..

D:Well that’s too bad. Homosexuals are the minority. And their rights are conflicting with the majority’s rights. Society should always consider about the majority.

Me: So I guess you’re an Anti-Tamil person too?

D:No. I’m an Anti-LTTE person. I respect Tamils. But they should realize that Sinhaleese are the majority in this country. And they should know that we should have the power to rule.

Me: Man, we have to talk about this later. Of all the people, I never knew you could be this old school!

D:Old School? Dude, you should come down to the real world. There are a lot of bad things going on in this world that needs to be stopped.

Male Bashing

August 19, 2008

Yes, we’ve all heard the stories of how Sri Lanka is a pretty bad place for women. And how men treat women as sex objects, etc etc. Kokatath thaile is national security these days, so blame it on the army.

But for those who are completely ignorant of the local culture and have landed in this fucked up isle by mistake, let me utter a few words for your enlightenment.

Love, in this part of the subcontinent, starts with marriage. There is no grace period where two people size up each other and check for compatibility. The scenario in most cases is like this. Boy meets girl; Boy looks at girl; Boy says ‘I love you’. Girl is overjoyed. They live happily (?) ever after.

Men are biologically inclined to be visual creatures. Nice tits + nice ass + innocent smile = perfect wife. They only realize that women are also subtle creatures that cry, have feelings of their own and have to be nurtured very often that not, is when the woman starts to speak.

A woman talking aloud is kind of like a lunar eclipse on a feb 29th.

The scarcity of this emotional connection throughout society is my explanation why women are only seen for their sexual merits. Close kin of course realize that their daughters and sisters are pretty much alive and have weird thoughts of their own.

As for everyone else, it’s kind of like a suspended fantasy of necrophilia.

Monroe’s Sex Tape

April 15, 2008

It went for $1.5 million.The lucky guy who bought it has vowed not to make it public.

“I’m not going to make a Paris Hilton out of her. I’m not going to sell it, out of respect.” was his exact words.

What’s hit me the most is not that Monroe performed oral sex on some lucky guy, but the simple yet powerful truth behind those words. “Making” a Paris Hilton rather than “exposing” a Paris Hilton is what really happens in society. People are the ones who make Paris Hiltons. People who are burning inside and depressed over their own impotence (lack of getting any variety).

For once I’m actually glad that a sex tape wasn’t made public. And needless to say, that’s truly a first.

//www.bartcop.com/marilyn-monroe001.jpg

(pic courtesy: http://www.bartcop.com/marilyn-monroe001.jpg)

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