Mirror Reflection

June 8, 2009

A speaker is only as good as his audience. A teacher is only as good as her student.

It’s amazing to notice that the people we interact with are as only as good as our judgment.

I hate that word – judgment. It’s as if we humans are not able to perceive anything without judging. But it’s true, we can’t. The things we see, the melodies we hear and the sensations we feel are interpretations of the tyranny of conscious thought. We are forever fools engaged in a cycle of illusion.

Once in awhile however, you meet someone who’s capable of a mirror reflection. The things they say and the passionate calmness in the way they say it forces our thoughts inward and we look at ourselves in the process of judgment.

It’s times like these you really learn to appreciate the company of another human being.


The Pleasure in Pain

June 1, 2009

is sometimes addictive.

It’s been two years since science figured out that dopamine is responsible for instigating both pleasure and pain. But I guess we humans understood that in some level perhaps even before we could put it into words.

I had my first heartbreak was when I was about 8 or 9. I distinctly remember the feeling as a spear piercing my heart again and again, but I also remember that I craved the feeling much more than love itself. Well, perhaps as equally as love.

I played professional basketball for awhile after I left school, and I remember every ounce of the physical pain that we all endured; 1000 skips a day, 100 pushups, 200 situps, 200 crunches, and a whole heap of running on the beach. We waged war with our bodies for profit and principle, but we endured the pain for its pleasure.

I had a part time lover who was also an athlete. And at times I wondered whether she was testing me or whether she really was into these fantasies of non-consent.

It’s hard to tell really, whether we enjoy the pain, or whether we enjoy the “high” that is left afterwards. The universe divides itself whenever there are two poles. We feel happiness better if we know unhappiness. We feel intense joy, if we are aware of the condition of depression. A simple unadulterated glass of water feels like heaven if we put our bodies through hell before drinking it.

So I don’t know. Is it pain that I crave? Or is the pleasure that comes afterwards?

The problem with our mind, is that it’s stuck in a narrow reference frame.

It’s being tricked to believe that our lives can only be represented in the Time Domain, which is sad because we’d be infinitely more interesting on other domains. What’s even more fucked up about the human existence is that it can only work as a linear and irreversible function which has to be continuous and differentiable.

There is a way to fix it however. To be mathematically correct – there is a way to transform it.

One must die before death, and realize that there is no death and that you are merely a construct of what’s around you. Also one must realize that what’s around you, is merely a construct of a collective belief system. A belief system that’s not ready to let go and definitely not ready to surrender  to Jacob.

If you’ve read this far, and understood at least half of what I said, Congratulations! Welcome to the Other Side.

If not, don’t worry, I’ll find you in another life.

That is the question.

I probably don’t have the money to pump petrol everyweek, but I do it anyway.

The feeling of driving, the sense of having control, is one of the few things in life that makes me optimistic. Loosing myself in the moment and clearing my mind off everything else, it brings me to a state of neutrality. It’s as if I am really in charge of my destiny, and no one else has anything to say about it.

I’ve made it a habit not to honk, even to the most reckless drivers. The world will be as it is. The only effort that I’m going to invest is into changing myself.

That’s part of why I don’t like bieng driven. Be it public transport, tuk-tuk or taxi, I hate the feeling of bieng dependent on another person. The way my mind wanders off somewhere into the future or entangles itself in a web of the past, while some stranger takes charge of my fate – is just plain wrong and feels like an insult to my existence.

The world is getting ready once again to celebrate your birth, enlightenment and passing away.

After 2500 years, the words you uttered have become a religion. Humans divided by race and culture claim it to be theirs, and have built identities around it. Fairy tales have been written, bloody wars have been fought, civilizations have been seduced and conquered, men have turned into demons, and worst of all- you are being worshiped as a God. Even the tree you sat beside is being treated like a sub-divinity.

Did you know this would happen? Did you have a choice? Perhaps more importantly, do I have a choice?

One more thing, after achieving Enlightenment, why didn’t you go back to Yashodara and Rahula? It’s paradoxical you see, if you really attained enlightenment, how come you had a sense of purpose and a ego to call yourself a Buddha?

You said that the only constant in the world is change. If so, how did you conquer your desires? How did you cultivate a mind which is not subjected to change?

Tell me are you for real? Is enlightment for real?

You’re a great poet, and an old-soul, I’ll give you that. But the decisions you’ve made, and the life you lived are clear signs that we mortals can never live in reality and attain enlightment at the same time.

Yours without faith,



The only charactor in Lost, which seems to be unaffected by time. He’s also the only brown-eyed guy with the sufficient amount of charistma to make me swing the other way.

The guy seems to be a mythical creature hiding behind the scenes of the chaos and drama in the world’s most acclaimed TV series. He’s seen three generations of leaders in the island and was probably influential for their ascensions as well. There are many theories behind his strange existence, but as with everything else in the universe I believe that he’s just a piece in the grand scheme of things.

The serendipity of Richard Alpert is that there really is a guy called Richart Alpert in real life. Known as Ram Dass, he’s an old soul and a harvard professor who experimented with LSD. Both on a professional and recreational basis.

I’ve been reading his book and it’s also induced a sort of LSD affect on me. But I dunno, I’ve been drinking my own blood for the last two weeks and eating lots and lots of pills, which could also be the reason.

We anonymous wayward bloggers have the ability to change our alter-egos whenever we wish. As long as we don’t give a fuck about comments and readership, there is no real incentive to build up a ‘character’, like in real life. We can be ourselves, we can write about what we really feel, at any given moment and get away with it.

In this blog, I’ve been many things. A jerk, a saint, an epicurian, an alcoholic, a pessimist, an optimist, a boy with an innocent heart, a guy with a big dick, a man with humility, an iconoclast to sinhala-buddhism, an avid activist against marriage, a seeker of true love, and many more…

This is because I can let go of my ego. And build another one in the very next instant.

The same cannot be said for bloggers who choose to reveal their real-world identity. Or for bloggers who choose to create a fixed blogging identity. They are forever prisoners of a sole ego. And when something goes wrong, they try vehemntly to defend themselves. And the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Nibras Bawa fell spectacularly yesterday. I bet it hurt. A lot.

The only blogger that I’ve seen capable of blogging without anonymity is Indi. Remember once, some guy made a filty comment on his blog using the name “Indi”, but the real Indi never took it down. Sittingnut’s threats and accusations may have stirred him a little but he never moderated those comments.

The rest of the blogsphere still has a lot to learn.

Conditional Love

April 6, 2009

Java’s post got me thinking.

The world aspires the notion of unconditional love, which I think is due to some sort of hippie spiritual awakening that happened in the late 90s. But it was just a fad and no one really understood it. In real life, we are much more interested in practicing conditional love.

Marriage (a social construct upheld by law) is of course the epi-centre of conditional love. Prostitution is it’s mirror image. Whether you like it or not, conditional sex and conditional love are more or less the different sides of the same coin. It’s a bargain or an agreement between two people. Sometimes it’s three or more, but it’s still the same.

Love belongs to the present moment. Whenever you cling on to the notion of a past life or consumed by the fear of the future, love becomes unreal. It’s simply not love anymore.

No wonder there’s so much jealousy, hatred, anxiety, and fear in the world. We don’t love each other, we love the notion of a future filled with love.

Big Match Fever

March 3, 2009

It’s the time of the year in Sri Lanka where you can bump into overgrown boys in their jocks running around half naked in Colombo, trying re-live a past they have not quite come to terms with.

I’m forfeiting the whole fiasco as I did last year because the cultish-group-masturbation program can get a little out of hand sometimes. Not that I’ve grown up or anything… I’m probably the most puerile male living on Earth my age, and I say that proudly -even more so than Dinidu criticizing the regime.

Big match fever is not about being childish. It’s about being a groupie. A cultist. The mob mentality of 83 was perhaps our nation going through a big match fever on steroids.

Enough said.

Courtship Advice for Women

January 21, 2009

1.) Make yourself accessible.

2.) Don’t hit the sack on the first day.

3.) When you do finally hit the sack, do it with passion.

There’s a pretty self-explanatory chart that explains the first point. Usually in Colombo the expressing of interest is more or less executed by the male.  So the brunt of loosing points is weighed upon the male and the male alone. If you’re into risk-takers then of course you can play hard-to-get all you want. Infact, they might even enjoy the chase. But if you’re looking for a stable non-bikerboy type of guy, then you might want to consider loosing that ego a lil bit.

Remember, a night-out is a night-out. Having dinner at a fancy restaurant or gracing the Lionel Wendt doesn’t make you a couple; It just makes you two people with similar tastes. Him buying you dinner is nothing to be guilty conscious of. It’s just how the game works. Albeit a little unjust in this day and age, feel free to indulge in the extravagant amounts of money he will spend on you. If you’re feeling a little feminist, then go ahead and share the bill, but keep in mind to show some appreciation for him trying to get the bill for you. Because little did you know, that we know that only wealthy men have an increased chance of bringing a woman to orgasm.  So help us, help you.

Making yourself accessible and jumping the sack are two very different things. And so we come to our second point. In this study done by UCL, they say that “the male’s willingness to court for a long time is a signal that he is likely to be a good male”. So while putting yourself out there, remember to stay in control of the situation. You obviously have a grasp of the biological repurcussions, so this will automatically come to you.

But finally after you do realize that this is a guy that you want to be intimate with, please loose yourself in the moment. Sex can’t be planned and executed like a morning jog on Mt. Lavinia beach. It has to happen spontaneosly. Especially if you’re trying to do it without the influence of alchol and if you want the man to last for more than 2 minutes then it’s advisable that you really get into it. Contrary to popular belief, even though men think about sex all the time, they are easily put off by small things when they come across the real thing.

P.S. I’m trying to make love, not war in the paradise isle. So work with me ladies.