Mirror Reflection

June 8, 2009

A speaker is only as good as his audience. A teacher is only as good as her student.

It’s amazing to notice that the people we interact with are as only as good as our judgment.

I hate that word – judgment. It’s as if we humans are not able to perceive anything without judging. But it’s true, we can’t. The things we see, the melodies we hear and the sensations we feel are interpretations of the tyranny of conscious thought. We are forever fools engaged in a cycle of illusion.

Once in awhile however, you meet someone who’s capable of a mirror reflection. The things they say and the passionate calmness in the way they say it forces our thoughts inward and we look at ourselves in the process of judgment.

It’s times like these you really learn to appreciate the company of another human being.


The Pleasure in Pain

June 1, 2009

is sometimes addictive.

It’s been two years since science figured out that dopamine is responsible for instigating both pleasure and pain. But I guess we humans understood that in some level perhaps even before we could put it into words.

I had my first heartbreak was when I was about 8 or 9. I distinctly remember the feeling as a spear piercing my heart again and again, but I also remember that I craved the feeling much more than love itself. Well, perhaps as equally as love.

I played professional basketball for awhile after I left school, and I remember every ounce of the physical pain that we all endured; 1000 skips a day, 100 pushups, 200 situps, 200 crunches, and a whole heap of running on the beach. We waged war with our bodies for profit and principle, but we endured the pain for its pleasure.

I had a part time lover who was also an athlete. And at times I wondered whether she was testing me or whether she really was into these fantasies of non-consent.

It’s hard to tell really, whether we enjoy the pain, or whether we enjoy the “high” that is left afterwards. The universe divides itself whenever there are two poles. We feel happiness better if we know unhappiness. We feel intense joy, if we are aware of the condition of depression. A simple unadulterated glass of water feels like heaven if we put our bodies through hell before drinking it.

So I don’t know. Is it pain that I crave? Or is the pleasure that comes afterwards?

The problem with our mind, is that it’s stuck in a narrow reference frame.

It’s being tricked to believe that our lives can only be represented in the Time Domain, which is sad because we’d be infinitely more interesting on other domains. What’s even more fucked up about the human existence is that it can only work as a linear and irreversible function which has to be continuous and differentiable.

There is a way to fix it however. To be mathematically correct – there is a way to transform it.

One must die before death, and realize that there is no death and that you are merely a construct of what’s around you. Also one must realize that what’s around you, is merely a construct of a collective belief system. A belief system that’s not ready to let go and definitely not ready to surrender  to Jacob.

If you’ve read this far, and understood at least half of what I said, Congratulations! Welcome to the Other Side.

If not, don’t worry, I’ll find you in another life.

No Country for Old Men

February 22, 2008



I murder croachroaches and spiders on a daily basis. Why?

Because they’re an “inconvience”. For both me and for the friends that come to my room. I consider them “expendable” because they’re stupid, can’t think for themselves and more importantly can’t kill me back.

But this recent movie got me questioning about humans who can’t think for themselves, and who are nothing more than an inconvienience.

 What if I had the power to kill Prabakaran? What if I had the power to kill Mahinda? What if I was intelligent and powerful enough to kill all the blood-sucking-patriotic-sun-of-a-bitches in this country and get away with it? 

I may not even think twice.

Watch the movie. It’s fucking brilliant!