The Girl with Specs

May 1, 2009

So I drive along the pitakotte junction minding my own business and there’s this huge traffic jam. We’re all perfectly still; me the other cars, and the big private bus which has blocked the road.

The universe has its own way of amusement, and so a young woman brimming with youth and overflowing with sexual confidence walks across the suspended street. She’s wearing a simple white top, a blue denim, and one of those neardy glasses so characteristic with the naughtyamerica videos that feature my-first-sex-teacher, that I feel the tension in several parts of my body.

Her poise is backed with a rhythm that gets stronger with every pair of eyes that gets lost in those tightly held breasts. She smiles at me and holds a gaze which is a rare sight with Sri Lankan women.

She was aware of the three wide-eyed schoolboys on the footboard of the bus that were unable to stop staring at her. She looks at them and smiles. The boys obviously surprised and taken aback by the boldness of the woman, try to look away.

She looks at me, nods and dissapears in to the traffic.


Too much Testosterone?

April 1, 2009

She’s been watching me watching her. Our eyes meet, and she instantly looks down, with a I’m-sorry-to-have-flirted-with-you type of grin on her face.

I lock my computer and move to her table with my cup of tea.

“Good morning.”

She lightens up and acknowledges. I let out a breath of relief. Usually encounters like these end up with a humph, snort and a i-don’t-want-to-get-raped-by-you sort of look.

Our conversation jumps from excellent wifi speeds to stray dogs and then to the hazards of long-term relationships.

“How old are you by the way,” she slips in the question. “Thirty?”

“No. Do I look thirty?” I ask heartily, but she shrugs and becomes silent.

“In my mid twenties.” She obviously needed an answer.

“Are you Married?”

“No. Do you see a ring on my finger?” I fired back.

We were both silent for awhile. Thank god the cup of tea was not empty.

“Oya hari wasai neda?” [Translation: You get angry easily?]

I was a little pushed, but I wasn’t angry.

I wanted to end the conversation on a lighter note, so I complimented her on her long earrings and made an excuse to leave.

On my way down, I kept wondering if what she said was true? Do I come off as imposing? I do speak very little. And maybe I don’t show my emotions as well as I should. Perhaps it’s the testosterone.

Dating for Dummies

February 15, 2009


One of my cousins’ got married last week and apparently they first hooked up over an Internet chatroom. She’s residing in UK but bieng the optimist and scolding older sister that she is, she forced me to look at the “prospects” available on the Internet.

I’m a primitive guy who loves old fashion bird watching. I think it satisfies my inner hunter instincts to watch the prey in their natural habitat. The Internet however to my great dismay, defies the concept of watching.

To this she says that I should market myself via facebook, youtube and twitter and make friends who also have facebook, youtube and twitter. There were some other crude websites and chat sites that she mentioned, but most of them seem to be infested with “boys looking for mature older women to fuck”.

I finally resorted to google and I found this book called “Dating for Dummies”. I loved the dummy series, the Differential Equations for Dummies and Statistics for Dummies really helped me get through uni, and I was quite sure that this book would also do some good.

I was dreadfully wrong. It has 392 pages of useful advice, for dating in a western country. Things like who should pay the bill, and who should make the first move are pretty much constants in this part of the world. The book also talks about the dilemma bout kissing on the first date. Do we Sri Lankans ever kiss? I mean we might have sex on the first date which will include kissing, touching and the whole package, but do we ever kiss and part our ways? We don’t have first bases and second bases – we only do home runs. At least according to my limited experience.

I say we should rewrite this book in the name of science, knowledge-sharing and preserving Sri Lankan culture. There are some good writers on the blogsphere. Anyone care to take up the challenge?

Courtship Advice for Women

January 21, 2009

1.) Make yourself accessible.

2.) Don’t hit the sack on the first day.

3.) When you do finally hit the sack, do it with passion.

There’s a pretty self-explanatory chart that explains the first point. Usually in Colombo the expressing of interest is more or less executed by the male.  So the brunt of loosing points is weighed upon the male and the male alone. If you’re into risk-takers then of course you can play hard-to-get all you want. Infact, they might even enjoy the chase. But if you’re looking for a stable non-bikerboy type of guy, then you might want to consider loosing that ego a lil bit.

Remember, a night-out is a night-out. Having dinner at a fancy restaurant or gracing the Lionel Wendt doesn’t make you a couple; It just makes you two people with similar tastes. Him buying you dinner is nothing to be guilty conscious of. It’s just how the game works. Albeit a little unjust in this day and age, feel free to indulge in the extravagant amounts of money he will spend on you. If you’re feeling a little feminist, then go ahead and share the bill, but keep in mind to show some appreciation for him trying to get the bill for you. Because little did you know, that we know that only wealthy men have an increased chance of bringing a woman to orgasm.  So help us, help you.

Making yourself accessible and jumping the sack are two very different things. And so we come to our second point. In this study done by UCL, they say that “the male’s willingness to court for a long time is a signal that he is likely to be a good male”. So while putting yourself out there, remember to stay in control of the situation. You obviously have a grasp of the biological repurcussions, so this will automatically come to you.

But finally after you do realize that this is a guy that you want to be intimate with, please loose yourself in the moment. Sex can’t be planned and executed like a morning jog on Mt. Lavinia beach. It has to happen spontaneosly. Especially if you’re trying to do it without the influence of alchol and if you want the man to last for more than 2 minutes then it’s advisable that you really get into it. Contrary to popular belief, even though men think about sex all the time, they are easily put off by small things when they come across the real thing.

P.S. I’m trying to make love, not war in the paradise isle. So work with me ladies.

Death by Intelligence

June 17, 2008

Too much of it, to be precise.

Apparently it’s possible to be too intelligent. Specially if you’re a woman.

Last week’s one night stand was a Ph.D candidate from Canada, and she nearly cried her heart out complaining that Sri Lankan men don’t like girls with too much “qualifications”. I had to disagree, but she insisted that I’m not marriage-material. I dunno whether I should be relived or worried?!?

But anyhoo, she’s right. Most of me friends did in the end marry girls who would stay at home, cook & clean, and be decent housewives. I’ve even heard one of them saying that the worst thing that can happen to a man is marrying someone who’s more intelligent than you.

Maybe I’m not very good at this selection process, but I’ve always been intrigued by girls who can sustain a good conversation. Be it debating about the general theory of relativity or the dynamics of information entropy, I love women who are fascinated by science and the world around them.

It’s a really a rare catch to find an intelligent woman, and when I do, I seem to stick with them for a longer period of time. Until of course they get fed-up with me not keeping up.

So this is kind of an ode to intelligent women. Please consider that there are guys who love your company. Even though you don’t consider us “marriage-material”.

The hilarious radio conversation I overheard when driving this morning goes a little bit like this:

Woman: Even though we have gained independence from the British, we are still not free.

Radio guy: Can you give us an example?

Woman: Have you seen little girls doing gymnastics? They practice very hard and when the competition starts, the girls have to perform infront of all her friends and family. And they do this wearing very little clothing. What does this do to our culture? We have a great Sinhala Buddhist culture, and we throwing it away for gymnasitics.

(At this point I was cracking up.  And barely had control over the wheel.)

Radio guy: So you’re saying that girls should not be allowed the freedom of doing gymnasitics?

Woman: No.. uh yes. They should. But they should also know that wearing a skimpy outfit for a Sinhala-Buddhist lady is throwing away all that she has. Errr…. the woman is a wonderful creature I think. But all the wonder and beauty goes away when a woman lets go of her shame and fear.

Radio guy: But you can’t do gymnastics wearing a redda and hetta? [translation: traditional dress]

Woman: Yes. You can’t. But look at all the woman who have succeeded in their lives today. Have they done gymnastics? Have they worn skimpy outfits that bring shame on themselves? No. They have a good sense of shame and fear and they are all faithful to their husbands.

I actually wrote something on women’s freedom a little time back, and Sam gave an awesome comment which explained a lot. But I still had to write this down, I had so much fun listening to this.

Damn, radio in Sri Lanka is really entertaining!

Original video was taken from here.

We could use a little sexyness in the parliament. With the exception of Anarkali, we haven’t really seen any pop divas around the rich and powerful. Everyone needs a reason to be righteous right?

Maybe the country could use a little bit of girl power…

Vibrators & Women

January 20, 2008


Read this strange article on the history of mechanical vibrators. It says that vibrators were a byproduct to save the labour intensive work that male doctors had to go through when women were diagnosed with “Female hysteria”. This was back in the 17th century, where western society was much like the conservative Sri Lanka today.
Back then women were not supposed to feel the pleasure of orgasm. Sex was just a male thing, and women were just the tools of our lust. Just a place to spill the seed, so to speak. No wonder women were so degraded back then!

The article prolifically goes on to say that

“Women of that era were socialized to believe that “ladies” had no sex drive, and were merely passive receptacles for men’s unbridled lust, which they had to endure to hang on to their husbands and have children. Not surprisingly, these beliefs led to a great deal of sexual frustration on the part of women.

I can only attribute this kind of thinking to a some sort of mass-domination fetish that people had in the old days. Women are complicated little creatures by themselves. Why in the world do we have to make life more complicated for them?

Judging from the various posts on kottu, it’s apparent that our “ladies” have really no say in this. Their basic issue usually is whether their virginity is worth saving or not!

And as amusing as it is, some of young girls fighting for women’s rights believe that their struggle is not for equality but for the “proper place” in society. And according to them their proper place in society is as caring mothers. Not independent women who aren’t afraid to feel for themselves.

And for all you guardians of morality, being independent and being raunchy are two different things. You’re just scared of women being independent will leave you with no one to cook and clean around the house.

As Sam would say, our fully-Victorian Christian society will probably never come to the stand that women also do have desires. And thus, women will forever be the tools of our lust. And the victims of our insecurity.